This week hasn’t been the best for me. But, although it hasn’t been ideal, it has made me realise that things need to change. Inevitably, some days with mental health are going to be better than others. I thought I was doing well with emetophobia and controlling it. It even gets to the stage where you feel you are doing so well you question whether it will come back. Have you conquered it for good? Is it finally over?
But then you have a blip, a slight moment of doubt or anxiety, and then it spirals. Spirals into something much bigger. Suddenly you realise you can’t do it, you still have this fear and currently you feel absolutely terrified of life.
This is the key moment for me, even if I do face this battle for the rest of my life, I want to stop-or at least limit the effects-of the spiralling. This would mean that I could feel better quicker, and try to return to everyday life as quickly as possible, as I know from experience that getting myself back into things I would usually do;going to uni, working, walking, blogging, makes things feel easier for me.
But sometimes you can’t do that. Sometimes when it gets to like what it has this week, you just need a cut off, stay in your room for a while, because you feel that the world is just too scary. However, this all sounds quite negative, but what the past couple of days has made me realise is that I need some help.
And that is a positive, to be able to think ‘Look, this needs to stop, I am ready to change and stop this fear taking over my life.’ Although currently, am not feeling particular positive towards the prospect of going. I have had bad experiences in the past, and as a result, promised myself that I would never seek help for mental health again. But I suppose that’s another story, and even though that huge apprehension is still there, I have got to give it a try.
That was one experience, lets make this time different. I want to go in there, be open as possible, and have confidence that they are going to try and help me and make my emetophobia more manageable. And that makes me excited. Nervous but excited. The doctors appointment is tomorrow, so fingers crossed…